I fell in love 

(I fell in love)
Do dreams change, or is it the characters in our dreams that change? Because if dreams change, then I wouldn’t be here right now, smoking. Maybe this whiskey in my hand wouldn’t be so bitter as it is. Maybe it could’ve tasted sweet as the first kiss we’ve always had. If the characters in our dreams change, then that’s why we don’t stick with the same person all our lives. Maybe that’s why some go and some come. We meet new people. Maybe that’s why I’ve always broken off relationship after relationship. Yeah, that’s right, I’m a lousy lover. Maybe I’m hard to love. You feel good about that now? If dreams change, maybe I wouldn’t be driving right now, maybe I wouldn’t be lying on this couch, with this pen, listening to music. Maybe I wouldn’t have written about you. Is it taste that change? Preference? Opportunity costs?? What is it that change?

So I fell in love. You can smile about it. Smile about it now before I hurl another tragedy in the next turn. I fell in love with myself. The female version of me. At first it was just counting stars, chasing cars and masking scars. She’d say, “one day, I’ll be driving a car.”, and I’d ask her, “What make?”, she’ll smile about it, rest on the shoulder, look in my eyes and say, “my make is not yet in the market.” Then we’d laugh about it.

It’s been half a year now, I’m still waiting for that make. I can’t help picture you in the driver’s seat. I miss you, I love you, That’s how much I believe in you.

I fell in love. I remember when I did. I remember that cool evening. On the roadside, beside the supermarket, we were taking a walk home. She wore the brown boots, and the brown dress, with some design on it. She clutched on my arms. She leaned close, she said she had a funny thought. I asked what it was. She brushed me off, she said it was a weird one. I wanted to hear it. So as we walked, I listened. She told me of the dream she had, her and I, and kids, she said two kids, a boy and a girl. Waking up in the morning, making breakfast, dropping her at work, and the kids at school. And in the evening I’d pick them up. That moment, when she said that, if she could only look into my eyes at that time, then she’d see a sparkle in my smile. Then and only then she could’ve seen how a man looks like when he’s in love. Girl I didn’t just fell in love with you, I fell in love with your dreams too.

Even though I knew that in a million possible ways, that dream could take a while. It was worth trudging the journey. At that time, when you clutched my arms, that dream embedded into mine, and long since, I’ve been living it as if it was mine in the first place. So girl, if ever you wondered why I love you as much as I do, then trace your way back to that day. Trace back to that day when our hearts were as light as a feather. You’ll find an answer. Because at that time, when I’m always with you, that dream meant a lot, than just a simple I love you. Come on, let’s face it, who in this time will give you such a dream? Plenty, right? But who would mean it? ‘Cause somehow, words tend to be meaningless. But yours were the ones that made sense to me. Maybe got stupefied by them.

But, something always happen right? Some kind of a tragedy. Some emotional roller coaster. Something that make you weak, fragile, something that makes you recoil back to your own space. Retreat and give up. Call it worthless. Or use one of those lovely phrases that define who we are when we are vexed, like, “all men are dogs, all men are the same. Women are bitches. I’ll not trust a woman again. Fuck love. Fuck relationshits.” You know such phrases. I don’t know what hurt the most, saying sorry or repeating the ordeal, or repeating the hurting phrases. I don’t know. I fell in love. I fell in love with you. Does that even count on my curriculum vitae.? Does it add value to your dreams? Does it weigh you down? Should I take a bow and leave?

It takes more than balls to have that dream come true. But even before then, something always happen. A rift that pulls our hearts out. Something always happen. It will be me and the other girl, when you’re utmostly faithful to me. Sometimes it would be you and the other dude, when I’m utmostly Faithfull to you. Something always happen, and that heightens our insecurities. Sometimes it might be my ex brooding up to my space. Sometimes just a simple misunderstanding.

Should we be strong or weak to let the tides tear us apart. Certainly not. How about you? Sometimes the distance might be long. Sometimes we might search for distractions. It’s human nature. I can’t promise you that our relationship will be tragic. I can’t promise you that our relationship will be heart wrecking. But I do know, we will have ups and down. I’m working on being a better man. And if something has to happen along the way. That we wouldn’t be strong to carry it on our maim. Please remember, that I fell in love with you.

This is not one of my tragic tales. You often wondered why sad endings. This is for the times that you’d wish me to be there, but I wouldn’t be. Did you know, that I’ve got thousands of happy ending pieces in my heart, and they are always about you? I don’t write about them, ’cause more often I write with my mind and not heart. So tell me, do dreams change or is it the characters in our dreams that change?

I fell in love, with you and your dreams. If dreams change then I don’t know which dream I’m to live for. If the characters in our dreams change, then it wouldn’t be worth tugging along with someone. Then please, let me refrain from happy endings, till I’ll ask you to marry me. ‘Cause that’s the only happy ending I know of. That which a heart and a mind desire. I love you.

***

As written by Phill Ibsen

( Master Of Descriptions )

A Heart_Art_Poetics productions