Of those who cave in…….. I’m a soldier sojourning the boundaries of time. I’m heading back home where there’s no hope. Where do we find solace? In a bottle of whiskey? In a smoke of cigar? Whence everyone’s happy parading their joy, I seem to be the infidel of happiness. I maul over unresolved quests to seek clarity. A switch dangles over my head. Should I feel or should I feel not? Where do we find solace? I seek for answers yet I bear no questions. It ain’t a matter of justice of hearts affairs really. Whom do you confide in whence every trust was brutally executed; by the ones you offered them to, I’ve got bullet wounds in my veins.
Time doesn’t heal whence the past comes knocking back at you, yet you’ve gat no one to talk to. You loosely hang on a limbo, waiting for the other side. Some of us were not built with metal steel. Some of us were not made for this shit. Neither do we have the patience to wait, and make things feel alright. Some of us were not perfectly created. We have tender hearts with infinitesimal spaces to hold breaking walls together. Even then we cave. We do not run or hide from the truth. We face it and crush them. We are hurt in many ways but still remain unhurt, unguarded, unloved, unwanted, ingrates; always free to sway to the hearts kind enough to give us homage.
But the present, hmmm, there lies some beauty in the present. Though the past have us screaming loud, misguiding our thoughts. Second Guessing Whether we are worthy or not. The past have got us judging ourselves by our past misdeeds and mischief, that our souls are burdenly tainted. Our hearts darkest. At times we look not for privy eyes nor judgemental gazes. Most times we search for the hearts compassionate enough to listen to our qualms. We tend to look for the ones whom to, we will lay nakedly our worst fears, and from them we can be stronger. Whom to, we will lay bare our broken pieces and still be wholesome together, or be brokenly knitted in one piece. Don’t we all look for that person?
The present has given us the opportunity to realize what we can become of ourselves. To meet new people. Learn new experiences. Forget of the past and worry less of tomorrow. But damn it, the past is so absurd. The past is so saddening. The past is clingy. Clingy to never want to let go. Why hold on to a past love, When the present gives you love, free from blemish? Why look back, while the present holds your hand, besides you to sojourn with you in the front direction? Why put a still pause at the present. To maul over the past, to revisit it. Don’t you know, that the present doesn’t wait for anyone.? Don’t you know that regrets only come with the age of wisdom?
When we find a compassionate heart. A loving heart. We don’t just fall. Amidst our brokenness. Amidst our imperfections, we make sacrifices here and there. Though not much spoken of. We swear to the present that never again shall our souls repatriate to the old us. The us who were full with blemish. Us who were savages. When we find such a present, we train our heart to be strong and stand side by side amidst the adversities. But whence the present, as beautiful as it is, grows weary. Even as much as we try to be strong and steel. We’re bound to cave in. Whence we do, there ain’t coming back to the same plate we left from.
And it ain’t a question of why? You can’t love someone in the dark; coz everything changes them. The distance; the chiming clock; you wonder do they think of you too? Do they write of their dark stories, and write of you as the dark knight who saved them from the ordeal? Or do they not, they stare at you and wonder how worthless you’ve become. Unwanted you are.
Like I said, I’m a soldier sojourning the boundaries of time. I’m heading home but am afraid no one would be waiting for me. I’m afraid no heart awaits for me in zest. I’m afraid, but I have to face it. I have to go back home.
*****
As written by
Phill Ibsen
( Master Of Descriptions )
A Heart_Art_Poetics productions
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