The Master of Descriptions

(The daughter I never had)

April 21, 2018

The only time that I got afraid was when I asked your Mom to marry me. She never said YES! But that doesn’t explain why you grew up without a father.

I never met your Mom in the fanciest of places. It was never in a restaurant. It wasn’t during one cold Evening in some Java. It wasn’t in a supermarket neither in a church. It wasn’t in a book club nor in a poetry event.

The first time I met your Mom she was sitting there, and it was evident that she was the only one who was clueless. She was the only one who wasn’t confident enough to introduce herself.

“My name is Chloe, and I’m an addict.”

“Hey Chloe…” other members said in unison. I wasn’t the psychiatrist. I wasn’t an addict. I wasn’t a serial killer. I was the guy who was suffering from depression. The doc put us in pairs. Said it was some sort of medication. Learning to know each other beyond their dark faces. Your mom and I became a pair. We spoke, talk, and connected. Finally we saw the world for the beauty that it was. So started going out, having those long nights to ourselves. Attending the poetry shows together. Stop smiling. This world was beautiful. But I only learnt of it late.

Your mom looked me straight in my eyes. Like some sort of a vampire who wanted to compel me to forget everything. And there on my knees, her little pretty lips spoke the magic words. “No!”. She said no. And walked passed me. The ring fell on a ditch, I spent the next 3 hours of the fateful night searching for it. She had no remorse, whatsoever. But I understand.

I wasn’t the type of a guy you take home. I was merely a fling. I was an anchor. A vessel. A staircase. That she used to pass through her dark days to bright days. The next thing I heard she left town. Took ages for me to finally meet you. So sometimes I look at you. And I think, maybe you could’ve been mine.

Sometimes I stare at your eyes, and you remind me of her. If you were my flesh maybe you could’ve been the best daughter. Maybe still you could be having a father. But sometimes words fail me, I shouldn’t have taken a no for an answer. If I was fast enough I could’ve been your father. I could’ve made your mom happy. Still,you’re the daughter I never had. I love you the same.
Bye.
Mom’s ex.