For those who missed Christmas, and boxing day. Those who certainly missed my birthday. This is for you. Those whom we wished to be here but never was. Those who begun January, and never made it to December. This is for you. I’d love to tell you, that Christmas came and went. In an instant, just like that within a snap, I paid no attention to it. It wasn’t as the same as it was with you. We sat at the dinner table. Staring at the empty seat. We walked on streets we once held hands as we trudged. Now there’s void. The feel of emptiness sucking blood through our capillaries. We miss you. As I blew off the candle flames, I made one wish. That you could make it here. I opened my eyes. And all these strange faces got stares on me. Laughing, smiling, with drinks in their hands. “happy birthday Phill.” They said.
We are days shy away from 2018. Yet, the more close it get the more shy I become. I take my glance back to January when everything else made sense when you’re still here and everything else didn’t matter, except having someone to hold your hands and tell you everything will be okay. I remember knowing happiness at that time. I remember you. February came, you said you hated roses. So we did coffee to pass the valentines day. When March came it wasn’t as easy as yesterday. April came and I felt how it was without you. August was like autumn, leaves fell, so were my tears on my cheeks. Staring at The sun. September came and… and… I needed relief. (Sighs). I can’t do this anymore. (Vexed. shouting) Why did you have to go? (Amidst the tears) Was I not enough?
I’m writing this to those who know Christmas not in the same way as I do. Those who spent time taking kids out. Those who spent money in extravaganzas. Swimming. In night clubs drinking. Smoking. Having fun, no offense. Getting laid. Getting wasted. Those who attend the family reunions and taking pics. The smiles on camera flick. Laughter of grown men. Chattering of women. Aroma of stew and roasted meat. Barbecue. The play of children and Christmas carols. This is for you. This is for those who spent the greater part of the night cooking. Day time serving food to family. Later washing plates. This is for such who got lost at work. Who multi tasks, yet still creates time for lovers, friends and family. Those who give us calls to tell us how much we mean, how they feel. Such is my girlfriend, I’d love to tell her, “baibe, I love you.”
When you got stuck on the hospital bed. When your eyes folded inside out. When you ‘came cold and you laid still. Barely moved. Never breathed. I remember the last time I ever prayed. Just for my prayers to hit the roof and bounce back. They never made it through. So Christmas came, and I gave santa a call. I needed santa to see me first and drop me a gift. I told him I’ll give him some cash in return. But even then, he did not deliver you. You could’ve been my Christmas gift. How would it feel to have you back? Maybe strange. For I’m already stuck in my ways. Going on it hard, till I get numb to pain. Are you really in heaven? Please send me a dream. How is that place. Is it better than these chaotic streets? Is it a place that I’d love? Can I come too?
Christmas came and went. The same way santa passed my doors, ignored me, and went straight to my neighbour’s kids and gave them their gifts. I was stuck in my room looking at family portraits, at least that’s how I’d feel your presence. Maybe, I don’t have to be sad anymore. Maybe I dont have to look at your absence and let it define who I am, who I will be. Maybe I should give santa a call and tell him I don’t need him. For I realised that santa is just a fairy tale, he doesn’t make Christmas look bright. But the ones around us makes all the difference.
So today I’ll remember not that you’re not here. I won’t recall your absence but your presence, the times that we really had. The memories that we shared. Years from now, my kids will ask me about you, and I’ll tell them everything. Knowing that nothing can ever fill the void you left behind. So, I’ll say thank you. And in so many ways you’ll hold my hands when I’m crossing over to 2018. The times when i wont be steady. Ill remember you, and gain control. Though not physically, I know you’re watching over me. ***
wishing you a prosperous new year. Those who are shy of embracing it, those who fear that it’ll be a dark year. How about we have a little faith. The best is yet to come. Don’t give up hope yet, the world is broken, but let’s not be the object of it. Thanks for the birthday wishes. Thanks for all my readers.
To my friends and family, thank you so much, Y’all make the difference.
***
As written by Phill Ibsen
( Master Of Descriptions )
A Heart_Art_Poetics
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