It’s been exactly 104 days, 9 hours, 35 minutes and 26 seconds, Within those miniature of time, admittedly I’ve been happy. Lots of things have happened, and It’s not all on you. Because each time you make an attempt to read, you stop halfway, Second guessing if you’re the one. You refuse to hit the like button, or comment with a wow phrase. Simply because you don’t want me to notice that you got my message. The thing I miss most about you, is how you used to call my name, so ardently with such enthusiasm brewing from your eyes. I miss your music, I’ve got all of your favorite songs laced on my Playlist. I even named a folder on my laptop after you. And that song, our song, “Rail on” by Papa Wemba, always resound in my mind.
So dear crush, tell me that I’m hopeless. Tell me that you’re somewhere stuck in an exciting relationship with someone a lot better than I. Tell me that he is not as boring as I am. That he’s a guy who fancies Ferraris, wines, scotch, golf, suits, deals and women, while I’m just the guy who fancies coffee, words, books and true love. Tell me, do you give it to him wholeheartedly like you give it to me in my dreams? Does he know how to hit it right, from whichever angle? Does he know how to hold you in his arms, and wrap you around his fingers, and place you below his waist, better than I? Tell me, does he make your ass buckle to the rhythm of your body, tell me, I want to know, does he lick your strawberry scented cherry bit by bit, to cause a burning sensation, to make it explode exponentially? Does he know how to spread you down, like a mat and enjoy your flexibility? Has he mastered your curves, your edges both rough and soft? Tell me, so I can cease all these idiotic dreams about you. Tell me so I can’t find any sort of a consolation. Tell me so I can let you be.
Dear crush, life is a lot more amazing without you. Waiting for you makes everything seem so fun. The distance, the time and the space. Sometimes I think, that one day you’ll get up and run out of your life, and join me in breathing the same breath as I am. Sometimes I think you’ll wake up one day, and it will dawn on you, that no one can love you like I want to. That no one can love you in the poetry being of their soul, blood and bones like I want to, like I can. That no one can put you above everything else, and call you his, and make your life more exciting. Sometimes I think I’ll drop everything and reach out to you. I’d be waiting for you along the alley where you often trod with your friends, after evening rehearsals, and I’d stop you politely and ask to only speak with you. Your friends will be amazed and dazzled, because amongst them, you’re the girl that rarely gives a guy a chance.
“Hey, my name is Phill, Uuuhm. ..did you know that you’re my crush?”
You’ll roll your eyes like you often does, not knowing what to say, so Outlandishly you’ll reply back with uncertainty ridden on your voice.
“Ooohkay Phil, that’s pretty nice.. now I do know.”
I know this kind of a conversation is not what you expect from me, but I’ve been rehearsing it over my head for the hundredth of time and still I never get it right. I never do. There’s something about meeting you that makes me chicken out. It scares me. That maybe I may not be the best guy for you. Or maybe my expectations might superced my reality. That you wouldn’t be the girl I’ve thought you are.
Dear crush, I’ve given up on you many times, and what hurts the most about such times is that, you always coin your way back to me after I’ve moved on. See, our chats are often loose, they are nothing more than just simple hellos and sad good nights. Sometimes you give me the grey ticks or the blue ticks. A simple hello from you often feel like an hour convo with you. I’ve tried forgetting about you. But how can I forget about you when I’ve never had you in the first place. Do you even know what it looks like to miss someone that you’ve never held? I’ve tried to forget about you, I’ve tried to live my life as though you’re just a fickle of my imagination. Nothing real. That’s what you are. Right? Does that hurt you?
Your favorite colour is blue, sometimes purple. How can I forget about you? Your favorite food is tea and bread, we’ve joked about it several times. It’s your simplicity that attracted me to you in the first place. How can I forget about you? I have no words to say, but in simple terms, will you wait for me? Hold on, I know you can’t, you’ve got your life to deal with, and the second you finish reading this, you’ll say, “boy, you’re dreaming.”
And my girlfriend, she’s cool, it doesn’t mean I love her less. But please don’t let her get a wind of this.
Till I see you, would you wait for me??
****
As written by Phill Ibsen
( Master of Descriptions )
A Heart_Art_Poetics productions
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